Top Tier Peer Support

Hey all, Ryan here. Proceed for my own personal experience, all true.

I grabbed the full bottle of pills out the medicine cabinet one last time. I had spent the morning reaching out to people I knew wouldn’t answer. I called 7 therapists and got 7 voicemails. I called Deer Oaks (our previous EAP) and was told someone would call me back within 48 hours—I don’t have 48 hours; I’ll be dead by then. Should I call 911? Hell no, that would only put rumors into full speed. My crumbling façade was still intact, but the rumor mill wrecking ball would knock it all down leaving me naked and dead. You’re probably thinking “dang man, don’t you have any friends?” Yes, I do. In fact, most of my BFFs are in this department. I thought I was doing them a favor by NOT reaching out and dragging them into this dark frame of mind that was about to kill me. Maybe it was supposed to happen this way. Surrounded by over 1,850 uniform members that would probably drop whatever they were doing to help, but not feeling worthy of it. I was just too hot with my bull**** and didn’t want to burn anyone else.

And then peer support popped in my head. I didn’t know much about what they did, but I knew a team member very well and decided to call. If he didn’t answer, it was a sign that I should take the easy way out and erase myself from all the tragedies I’d created and people I’ve hurt. But something funny happened. He answered. I couldn’t tell you one word of that conversation other than him telling me “I’m on the way.” Talk about a ‘hot save!’

The next few days were a blur. I was in-patient walking around with the grippy socks and hospital issued robe. That hard reset was humbling but turned out to be literally just what the doctor (shrink) ordered.

Months of focused therapy got my mind back on track and guided me out of the dark. As I emerged through the fog, one thing was clear: peer support saved my life, and it was time for me to pay that back.

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Peer Support is nothing new. It has been used by civilians and medical patients for decades. When it was introduced to fire departments in the early 1990s, I don’t think anyone had any idea it would turn into a critical first-line mental health outlet for first responders around the world.

The SAFD peer support team was established over 20 years ago and has been adapting and improving ever since. Today, this group of 60 people are as trained, organized, and as compassionate as ever. Our diverse team represents all divisions and ranks, from those fresh off probation all the way to us old-timers. Yes, it’s a group that cares but we also have experience dealing with adversity. When I was in deep depression and suicidal, I didn’t think anyone would understand what I had been through, which would only further isolate me. Little did I know how wrong I was. There has not been a time that I’ve shared my story where I didn’t have a person come to me with a similar story. That only confirmed I am doing the right thing for the target audience.

Firefighters are hard-headed but brave. The hard-headed part refuses to ask for help but the brave part knows it’s the best way to stay alive. We waste a lot of time and energy making sure others know we’re the smartest in the room. The one-upmanship I’ve seen in this job has no limits, in fact, it seems like we will go out of our way, so others know just how squared away we are. That’s the exact opposite of who your peer support team is.

Think of peer support as someone who is going to LISTEN, not just wait to talk.

Think of peer support as someone who is going to show COMPASSION, not judgement.

Think of peer support as someone who is going to VALIDATE your situation, not top you with a story of their own suffering.

Think of peer support as someone who you can TRUST, not someone who will betray you by going straight to the rumor mill.

Think of peer support as someone who can CONNECT you to resources, not further isolate you.

I’ll end this post with this: No matter how bad you feel, how big a mistake you think you made, or how badly you think you’ve lost your way, peer support can help you get back on track. You’re never too far gone. Don’t believe me? Give it a try. Always remember, we’re stronger together.